crack dad

i write about addiction/but yours doesn't speak poetry

crack
is the sound of my heart
each time i get to hear your voice
or catch the remnants of your ghost
in a throat you heartlessly crushed

crack
sometimes from the pain
unbearable
of seeing you hurt
so much, so bad
even your daughter’s excruciating love
can’t soothe your mutilated heart

crack
from the ever ending torture
you spread like flowers
sometimes with silence
sometimes with violence

crack
when i wonder
who the real you is
is it the one i saw
under the projections
or is it the one
they all warned me against

crack
did i ever really see you
or was i born blind

crack. crack. always crack.
when you tell me how much you love me
with tears filling up your mouth
before you slice me into pieces
with a tongue that shoots venom

crack
i can’t take it anymore

crack
but i will love you

crack
even when you don’t
want me to.

—

i have so much more to bleed, but this will be it for today. thank you for reading. x
laurie | salt & honey